Beginning of the New Year...

The beginning of the New Year is filled with surprises. I have so many New years resolutions. From being a better mommy, loosing weight, making more money, fixing our place up, guitar lessons, oh and one more, have another baby...Yes Greg and I want another one. And hopefully this  year we will have one. And the thing is, is this is our decision. Mine and Greg's. Funny how people can tell you how to run your life. But what is even funnier, is knowing that you don't have to listen to it. See I have always wanted a big family. And when Greg and I got together and made Hunter, we knew we wanted a big family. Like 10. Now take for granted my biological clock is ticking and that is not going to happen..lol.. You see, I did not come from a big family. i came from a single dad who tried to do the best he could just being him...I so much wanted a brother or sister or mom. We had no family growing up. And sometimes it was even tough with just him. There has been times, i sit and wonder how come I am not good enough for the family of my dads to want to be a part of my life. Even growing up I felt so alone...And sometimes I was. I vow to be a good mom. And being alone most of my life. I wanted a big family. And I wanted Greg's family to be a part of our lives and our kids. Now we know that there are some people in a family that just do not care. A lot of them have them.  I have watched so many birthdays go by for my kids and most could not pick up the phone and call and tell them Happy Birthday. Kind of sad really. Cause they have no idea what they are missing. Funny how people can be called family. I have learned that family is not always blood. Growing up having a best friend as family. Church family as family. If it was not for them, i dont know where i would be. Now I know there is only so much I can do. But I vow to protect my kids. From Harm. From Hurting. And I know hurting is part of life, and it makes you strong. Look at me. My kids are great kids. And if no one wants to be a part of there life. They are missing out on a lot. No one could replace them. Now, as far as Greg & I. Sometimes it seems like we are not living our own life. Its like we try to do something but it is never good enough for certain people. Our home, we made from scratch. From our hands. There was a lot of love put into this house. Now there are times that I want to move. Because I wish so much that we can have a few things to make our life easier. Like a tractor. Man that would make things so much easier. Now living out here, Greg & I have learned what we need. And it kind of irritates me when someone tells me we need something else. Its like telling us that we dont know what we are talking about. Which seems to be that we do not know what we are talking about a lot. But yet we have lived it. Just like a tractor. We have used different tractors out here, and we have come to learn what will work and what will not.  Now I do appreciate the opinions. And that is fine. But sometimes I feel like that we have no choice. Like our decisions for this house is not good enough. We ARE standing on our own two feet. And we are doing good. See Greg & I do not do credit cards. We believe that if you do not have the cash, you dont need it. Credit cards get you in trouble. So we are doing this without cards. And to me,,thats pretty darn good. We want to do this on our own. But when someone offers to help pay for something. It kind of makes us feel worthless. Because we want to do this. Also I dont want to hear that we cant make it because someone paid for it. We just want to do it. Now this year our goal is to put up our pasture fence and get some animals. Now Greg & I and a good friend have been working out here on the property from cutting wood for the wood burner. To the driveway. To the side of the hill. It is a lot of work. And sometimes  you cannot see the change until later on.  But we plan on putting our fence up this march or so. But it is going to give us so much happiness to do it on our own. I can not wait till it is done. This has been a dream of ours. Is to have a fence up. And is it going to happen? I really hope so. Living out here has been so tough.Very different than what I expected. You see, our heat for the house, is a wood burning stove. Why...Because the propane company will not come out our driveway cause it is to steep. lol. At first they did. But they will not no more. So we get up about 2-3 times a night and put wood in the stove for heat. Its ok. Saves on the electric bill. But sometimes I do get tired of doing it. lol. But thankfully my honjee has been helping me on it.  I have been really blessed to have such a great husband and kids. I could not emagine my  life without them. I feel this year is going to be a good year. Going to try not to be as stressed. And put my faith in God. We have been blessed with a church that is amazing. The people in it are so loving. Its  hard, because its been a long time since we have felt that loved.  We have made some good friends. And have been put to the test as well. On December 26, 2010. I Holly, was washed clean of all my sins. If you do not know what that means, is I was baptised. It felt good. I was so scared at first..But when i got up there, all the fear went away. It was kind of nice, really. Now I am going to end this for now. But will continue later. I really hope everyone looks at the New Year as a blessing, as a beginning. Everyone deserves to be happy. And have a chance of there own happiness. You only live once, so live to the fullest. Dont let someone else live your life for you. Take that chance. Have that big family. Make that dream come true. Only you can decide if you want to be happy. Only you can make that come true. Pray about it. And let God guide you...It may not always be easy but it will be nice to have that support from a loving God.